Ask a Bureaucrat (September 2012)

Dear Bureaucrat,

I am a government employee who wants to host a fundraiser to support my candidate in the upcoming election. Are there any special rules I should be aware of?

-Eager in Arlington

Dear Eager,

The Hatch Act prohibits federal employees from taking part in most political activities, including soliciting contributions and hosting fundraisers. It is a very strict law and it is vigilantly enforced. Good thing it doesn’t apply whatsoever to family members. Tell your brother my check is in the mail.

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Dear Bureaucrat,

I have been paying my daughter a weekly allowance with an annual raise since she was six. She is now 47 and bankrupting me. How do I cut her benefits without losing her love?

-Dr. Leo Simmons

Dear Doc,

Establish a bi-parental commission to identify ways to reduce household expenditures. When your wife pushes for slashing allowance benefits call her heartless and propose instead that she should ask her brother Rich to foot the bill. After all, that cheapskate hardly paid his fair share back in April when you “went in together” on that iPad for your daughter’s birthday.

——–

Dear Bureaucrat,

Is it true that the government can never fire people?

-Nicole from Budget

Dear Nicole,

I SMOKE POT, LEAK SECRET MEMOS, AND SPY FOR CHINA. We’ll find out soon.

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Dear Bureaucrat,

I noticed that Congress is in recess. Where do they go? Who is making the laws in the meantime?

-Curious Constituent

Dear Curious,

The Congressional playground is on the southwest corner of the Capitol. Senators prefer to play in the reflecting pool, while members of the House like picking leaves in the Botanic Garden. Recess time also give the president a break so he can go to the dentist and make other necessary appointments. The laws break too, which gives the Justice

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