SKULL ISLAND—The long-ruling authoritarian Gorilla “King” Kong has been aggressively invited to flee the country in what is shaping up to be a cold-blooded coup. He is rumored to be headed for New York.
Early Tuesday official state media reported that law of the jungle had been declared and former intelligence minister General Godzilla had been appointed interim head of state until elections can be held to make it sound more legitimate.
In his first public address, Godzilla announced that the Animal Kingdom will now be known as the Democratic Republic of Animal. The rest of his speech is not available, as the U.S. only had one translator who spoke Reptile and he got eaten during the opening remarks.
Little is known about Godzilla beyond that he served overseas for some time as ambassador to Tokyo. He is rumored to be a reformer, but then again aren’t they all?
King Kong was a social climber who ruled uninterrupted since riding a popular media wave to power in 1933. He oversaw a period of lasting stability but little economic development.
“What held him back was this irrational fear he had of skyscrapers,” said an unnamed former senior primatologist at the National Zoo, who asked to remain anonymous because the same could be said of Washington, DC.
Whatever Kong’s legacy, it was certainly no beauty that deposed the beast. That Godzilla is a real monster.