Dear Bureaucrat,

I hate the government interfering in my life. On an unrelated note, I love having the dollar as a stable and reliable means of exchange, I love subsidized oil, I love highways, I love national defense, I love food safety regulations, I love the Civil Rights Act and the Americans with Disabilities Act, and I love those cancer warning labels on cigarette boxes.

-O. Paul Ease

Dear Paul,

How would you like to run for the Republican presidential nomination?

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Dear Bureaucrat,

What does it mean when they say that the Federal Reserve is quasigovernmental?

-Quasi Curious

Dear QC,

The Federal Reserve System is composed of 12 regional banks registered as corporations and one government entity in Washington. The regional banks are owned by the commercial banks which provide most financial political appointees and which have been owned by the government since the bailout. It’s enough to make you quasi-queasy.

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Dear Bureaucrat,

Republicans say the government is too big and spends too much money, but my agency is full of cheapskates and my office is a dump. What gives?

-Cramped in Coach Class

Dear Cramped,

Aside from the Defense Department you could fit all of the budgets of all the government agencies combined inside the cockpit of a single F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. You’re not soft on defense, are you? Good, then suck it up and milk that $125 a month transit subsidy for all it’s worth.

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Dear Bureaucrat,

Before starting my new job as a civil servant I need to go shopping for work clothes. What is the dress code like?

-Dapper in the District

Dear Dapper,

Shirts may be blue, sky blue, light blue, powder blue, or cobalt. For trousers there are fifty shades of grey, any of which will be sure to arouse not just the envy of your colleagues as you crack the regulatory whip.