AMERICA—The 7.8% unemployment rate announced by the Bureau of Labor Statistics on October 5 seemed too good to be true. That’s because it was baloney.
An investigative report by the Washington Bureaucrat found clear evidence that pro-Democrat business owners across America manipulated the job numbers by hiring more workers.
The Bureaucrat spoke with an anonymous source from within the BLS who confirmed that not only did certain businesses hire more workers but they even paid them, in figures upwards of tens of thousands of dollars per year plus benefits and 401(k) matching.
“What we have here is a nationwide conspiracy to trick voters into thinking the economy is better than it was four years ago. They’re doing it by increasing production. They’re doing it by adding payroll,” said Max Milton, anchor of the fair and unbiased cable news program “Obama Must Go”.
William Muckenbach, an economist with the nonpartisanish Don’t Think Too Hard Tank in Washington, predicted that manipulating the job data might only be the beginning of the Democratic effort to steal the election by fixing the economy. In an email drafted for him by one of his interns he wrote, “Next thing you know they’ll be buying and selling houses to fool us into having a rosy outlook on real estate. [See if you can put more spin on this before sending it out].”
The email went on to note that Muckenbach had hoped last week to have a debate with a liberal counterpart about the economic data, but the Democrat failed to show up.