Locked-out Reps Return to Congress

The replacements Reps were only granted short term seats in Congress.

The replacements Reps were only granted short term seats in Congress.

WASHINGTON—Congress is back in session. On Wednesday the Union came to terms on a new contract with America and agreed to end the prolonged lockout of the House of Representatives.

The 435 duly elected Representatives stayed in shape during the lockout by fundraising in their home states. They are fully prepared to return to the Capitol just in time to take off all of October and half of November for the election.

“God bless America those replacement Reps were awful,” said Carol Lemmings, who covers Congress for C-SPAN. “They wouldn’t listen to the lobbyists and they made way too many quorum calls.”

The voters agreed, except for the undecided ones, who were undecided. A September Gallup poll showed a dismal 15% approval rating for the replacement Reps, putting them a mere two points ahead of the actual Senate.

The replacement Reps hailed mostly from state and local governments. According to Hill watcher and DC insider Marvin Harney, “As Washington outsiders, those guys were simply unprepared to scapegoat and mismanage fiscal policy at the national level.”

Ms. Lemmings concurred, noting, “You don’t go from presiding over PTA meetings to slashing the national education budget over night. It takes years of practice to learn not to look beyond two years.”

National outrage over the incompetence of the replacement Reps peaked when they missed a call that altered the outcome of a deliberation. Running out of time to steer the economy away from the January 1 fiscal cliff of tax hikes for 90% of Americans, the replacement House Majority Leader clearly signaled a refusal to compromise but then failed to properly say it was the president’s fault.

The result is that Congress now has only itself to blame.

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