Presidential Nominee Passes Senate, Fails Group House Interview

WASHINGTON—Secretary of Administration nominee Jen Wurlie sailed through her Senate confirmation hearing Tuesday but got totally rejected by that group house she applied to in Logan Circle.

The day started off so well. Wurlie’s two hours of questioning on the floor of the Senate were so boring that even C-SPAN fell asleep.

Said Wurlie, “Half of it was just the Senator from Kentucky reading recipes out of a cookbook until the others let him order lunch from that Thai place with the good calamari.”

After her visit to the Hill, Wurlie had to hoof it to Logan Circle to attend the open house for the summer sublet she had seen posted on craigslist.

After the talent show and the swimsuit contest came the interview: “Who’s your favorite Muppet? What’s Massachusetts backwards? What’s nineteen times twelve? Can you juggle these chainsaws?”

Tina, the petulant roommate, was against Wurlie from the beginning. “So we, like, already have a Jen,” she announced.

“Real” Jen said she’d be cool with it so long as they called Wurlie “New Jen”, but Tina still seemed unimpressed, because then she was like, “Okay, well we already have someone in government too, so yeah.”

They then thanked Wurlie for her time and promised to let her know by the end of the week. On the way out she tripped over one of the other candidates, an intern who was busy leaving a thank-you champagne bucket on the doorstep.

Three years later, after Wurlie had stepped down and moved back to LA, she received a form rejection email but could not for the life of her remember what she had applied for.

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