After a detailed internal investigation, we can confirm that hackers breached the Washington Bureaucrat’s electronic systems. Fortunately, they were not able to steal any subscriber information, because the Bureaucrat doesn’t have any subscribers. Just in case though you should go online and change all of your passwords. Who are we kidding–you probably have just the one password.
The hackers used the Bureaucrat to promote a little so-called satire of their own, which we will be releasing to the public in order to further our investigation. It’s still not clear who is responsible, but hopefully the following message they left will offer some additional clues.
“Dear Washington Bureaucrat: the U.S. is always criticizing China, also speaking as if seeking friendship yet acting in a manner that betrays its true belligerent intentions. It is high time the tables were turned and the doctor tasted a dose of his own medicine. We believe it is only fitting to call these revealing images of actual US thinking ‘Auntie Sam’. Thank you.”