Q: When a whole slew of staff leaves the department, you should:
(a) Determine why they left and try to address those concerns;
(b) Consider shaking up the management chain; or
(c) Force the remaining staff to take a satisfaction survey and the endure endless meetings to discuss the results?
A: If you really need to ask, you’ve clearly never worked in government.
Employee satisfaction survey
Nothing says fun quite like forced social interaction with coworkers outside of normal work hours while on travel. The Department of Comics investigates.
Work travel
Two magic words are all it takes to get a bureaucrat on a plane: per diem. Come on down to the Department of Comics to investigate what has supplanted the hokey pokey as being what it’s all about.
Per diem
With furloughs on the horizon, what better time to take maternity/paternity leave? Or just make up a fake baby and enjoy the three months out of the office? Could bureaucrats really be so calculating? The Department of Comics investigates.
Baby shower
The “office management specialist” called in sick today, which means it must be Fridge Cleaning Friday at the Department of Comics. Ah, well, if she’s out of commission I’m sure one of the analysts can take care of it.
Fridge cleaning
America, if you only knew just how much information your government collects on you you would pee your pants in fear. But then once you realized how inept the government is at using that information you’d pee your pants laughing. The moral of the story is, if you use traceable technology wear a diaper.
Operation PRISM
You may have heard some mumbo jumbo about the IRS unfairly targeting conservative groups for audits. Well before you get your Congressional inquiries all in a twist, why don’t you join special guest Regulatory Process Explainer Man over at the Department of Comics for a lesson in government objectivity?
Audit planning
When it comes to cutting costs, it’s the little things that count. So pinch your pennies and head over to the Department of Comics for some fine tips on how to save money on print toner.
Cost cutting
Automatons though they may be, even bureaucrats once upon a time started out from mothers. Now, what to get the woman who assembled you…?
Mother’s Day
Out of solidarity with the sequestered, the President’s giving back half of what he’ll earn for one speech after his term ends. What will it cost the government to figure out how to spend the money? The Department of Comics investigates.
Presidential pay cut